The fact that he goes to sleep within 20 minutes again makes me think I can do Anything!
The trick, if you’re wondering, is massaging his feet until we both zone out. He feels the calm so I can leave him to do the rest on his own. Fuck yeah!
A couple of months ago my challenges with Seger started getting harder to get thru gracefully. I didn’t like the way I was parenting and it had a snowball effect. I would get discouraged and dislike myself and couldn’t sleep. Most of my insomnia came from my worries about my bro and my parenting. For once it wasn’t about my work. So, I eventually decided I would see a psychiatrist to help me get thru this time without anxiety. I have never taken drugs for anything related to the brain. I knew I could handle it. This time I didn’t want seger to have to handle me while I was handling it and nothing is more important right now than him.
I did some research and found this dr. That does biofeedback. It’s a way to work out parts of your brain that aren’t functioning normally.
After a 3 hr consultation with him he recommended I deal with what looks like to be ADHD. He said you have all the symptoms and with all that I have going on (ie. running a biz with 25 employees, raising a toddler on my own, dad with cancer, brother with paranoid scizophrenia, mom losing her mind and getting really irrational and mean and stepdad with advanced Parkinson’s) and trying to handle it with ADD it would cause anyone anxiety. He said that biofeedback would be great for me but he thought that I should take ADD meds for a couple of weeks to get immediate relief. So I complied. I felt like I was on cocaine for 4 days and the final decision to abort med-mission was when I woke up on Saturday,our designated morning to lay around, and packed up the baby, called my manager and said I ”m coming to work’. He said ‘why’ and I didn’t know. A couple hours later he called me and said ‘where are you?’ And I was at a park playing with Seger.
Monday morning I called the Doc and told him what happened and he said 5% of people with ADD don’t respond to the meDs. So we decided to do a brain scan and start the biofeedback. After 2 hrs of a swim cap with wires coming out of it on my head, and having to be so still we concluded theses soon. He explained that he’d have to clean up the images. As he and 2 nurses were watching my brain in motion you could also see all the other muscles moving like blinking and tightening of forehead and jaw. He would have to take all the movement out that wasn’t my brain to get the clearest pic (it’s actually a video). How cool is this?
I asked him if there is anything that he noticed that he could tell me at this point. He explained that the front of the brain is where we process info. It is where the ADD brain is typically slower. He said a back portion of the brain, where mine seems to be slower is where the information is received . This typically means LD not ADD and the symptoms are usually very similar.
I’m not sure where we go from here but I’m pretty stoked to understand myself better. I thought I was dumb for many years based on the fact that I got poor grades since I was in the 3rd grade, then I found I have a high IQ because a therapist who insisted I take an iq test to prove me wrong.
I ll find out Tuesday more but until then, can you imagine all of the children diagnosed ADD that have a learning disability and are jacked up on medicines they don’t need.
I started running and my stress level went immediately down as well as I’m sleeping better. I excursive will probably be the cure all buy this was a seriously a cool process nonetheless.